The Endless Love
by SmileyHalo
Summary: Will and Lyra were forced to part at the end of the Amber Spyglass. How has this affected them and what are they feeling now? An angsty emotional piece based on their feelings afterwards. Please feel free to r and r
1. Chapter 1:The Endless Love

Many people in his world believed that he was too young for love. Mary had seen it, recognised it the instant that Will and Lyra entered the world of Atal and her companions. She saw how it broke his heart when he was forced to leave her, and she could tell, that despite the way he acted, he was hurting inside.

He sat huddled on his bed, staring across his room, but not really seeing anything. He was thinking. He often sat like this for hours, just letting memories of Lyra and their adventures revolve in his head. They were the happiest times of his life, yet now they were the most heartbreaking. A tear rolled silently down his face as he recalled that last, most painful memory, their final goodbye. Closing that final window was the hardest thing he had ever had to do. His hands trembled, and tears fell freely down his face, as he saw her for the last time. He collapsed to the floor, sobs racking his body once that terrible task was done, grief flooding his thoughts. A part of his soul had been torn from him that day, and it would never come back.

It was a long time before he was able to speak to anyone of his grief, and then he would only talk to Mary. Everyone else took on a patronising tone when he mentioned his lost love, not believing that a child could possibly ever understand or feel that most complex of emotions. He knew he could, otherwise why would his heart feel so utterly broken? All that time they had spent together, all of the dangers they had shared, the bond that had grown so deeply between them, so much that it seemed their souls had become one. How was he supposed to just forget all of that and move on?

Kirjava understood and shared Will's pain. After all, she had felt the same loss when she was parted from Pantaliamon. So she realised that all she could do was comfort him and allow him to share his memories when he was ready. She watched him silently, sensing the pain that he was feeling, that she still felt herself. Mary was kind, she knew that Will needed to time to deal with it all and tried the best she could to provide comfort, but she could never fully understand the pain he was feeling.

Will had had to deal with so much pain and loss in his life already. He had seen his mother suffering, been made to leave her, and witnessed the father he had never had the chance to know being killed by the lover he had scorned. These events had scarred him deeply, but in time the wounds began to heal. With Lyra it was different. He waited for the feelings of loss and grief to subside, but they didn't. They grew with every day that he was parted from her. He was haunted by images of her beautiful face, and her voice that reached out to him in his dreams. All he wanted to do was reach out to her, hold her once more in his arms, but he couldn't. The subtle knife was broken, and all the windows closed. He could still see her of course, but only in his dreams. All he was left with now were dreams and memories. Memories that were comforting at times, but at others only caused him pain allowed his grief to deepen.

Love. What exactly was that? Wasn't it meant to give happiness and peace to those who felt it? As far as Lyra was concerned, all that love brought was grief and longing. She longed for Will, she had since the day they had been forced to part. That day, she had lost him forever. For a long time she waited for him to return. He was hers, and she loved him as he loved her. So a part of her expected for him to come for her, to hold her in his arms and never let go.

She knew that there wasn't a way back. If there was, he would have found it, she knew he would. She had herself spent what seemed like years searching for it, although they had only been parted for a matter of months. Every time she looked, she convinced herself that she would find it. Every time, she ended up hugging Pan to her breast, sobbing uncontrollably, racked with grief.

It was impossible, and after many attempts she realised that she had, unless there was some kind of a miracle, lost him forever. That did nothing to console her, in fact it made her longing increase to a level unbearable to her. She had no one in her life to love her now. Her parents were dead, and although she had now become settled at school, she had no friends. Only Pan.

He loved her, loved her dearly. He knew, however, that as much as he loved her, he could not replace Will's love, or mend the heart that was left broken by their parting. They often sat and talked about the old times, shared their thoughts and feelings on their adventures, on Will. Often, this left her crying, but she felt she had to keep talking about him, for she feared that else she would forget him.

She never would, as Pan could never forget Kirjava. They had, of course, only known each other since they parted from Will and Lyra at the boat to the world of the dead, but they knew each other inside out, just as Will and Lyra did. So Pan knew Lyra's grief, shared it.

She always had her memories and dreams; these would never leave her.

Their love for each other would never leave them until the day they died, and that day they would finally be together again, and never be parted. 


	2. Chapter 2:The Reunion of Hearts

Disclaimer: These characters obviously don't belong to me, they belong to the wonderful Phillip Pullman, who created such a magical relationship. 

A/N: This fan fiction is dedicated to PeanutButterII, for giving me my first review and inspiring me to write this piece. I hope you enjoy reading the His Dark Materials fan fictions, please carry on doing so!

Will sat on the bench at the botanical gardens in his Oxford. It had been a year since he had been parted from his darling Lyra. That year had been one of the hardest of his life. It was impossible to forget her, and just as hard to fit back in to the world he had left behind, with all that he had since experienced. But he was finally beginning to get himself back together, although his heart remained broken. As he sat there, with Kirjava curled up on his lap purring, he thought he could feel her again. For a few moments he felt whole again, and it was the most wonderful feeling in the world. Although he couldn't see her, he knew she was close by, and he could feel the strength of her love within him.

Kirjava also felt this surge of love. Her dear Pan was close by, she could feel him. She opened her eyes and snuggled up close to Will, feeling his heart beating like a drum in his heart. She could tell he was feeling the same emotions as she was, and could see, for the first time since they had parted, true happiness in his eyes. Although he could not see her, he felt her presence for those few precious moments, and her love filled his heart once again. Then she was gone.

Slowly, agonizingly, her presence disappeared once more, and his soul filled again with sorrow. For a few minutes, he sat there quietly, letting the tears welling in his eyes flow freely down his face, with Kirjava rubbing softly against him, trying desperately to comfort him and ease the pain they were both now feeling. It felt as though they had parted all over again. It was worth that pain, as he had once again been able to share their love, and he knew that his sorrow was not for nothing, for she still felt love for him in her heart as he did for her. For those few precious moments, they had become one again, and his heart was mended.

He finally composed himself, and pulled a small leather pouch from his rucksack. He tipped the remnants of the Subtle Knife in to his hand, and looked at them. What if that knife had never come to him? What if he had just stayed, hiding, in Cittagaze until the children had found him and drove him out, back to his own Oxford to be caught by the police and separated forever from his dear mother? Would he still feel this pain? He turned the metal pieces over in hand as he considered these questions. Maybe he wouldn't be feeling this way now, but wasn't it supposed to be better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? He decided that although their time together was short, he would not change it for the world, even if it meant he no longer felt this pain. She was too precious to him, and that bond between them was one of those rare things that a lot of people spent their whole lives searching for, a bond not to be wasted or wished away. So he was glad he felt this pain, for at least he had found his soul mate, and he knew their love for each other would last forever, despite all the barriers facing them.

Lyra sat on the bench at the botanical gardens in her Oxford. A year ago, she had said her last goodbye to her darling Will here, and the window between them had been closed for the final time. It had taken her months to begin to again have some kind of semblance of a normal life, but it was a life without Will by her side, and so it was in some ways an empty one. She had begun again to learn to read the alethiometer, with the help of her new teacher at college, Dame Hannah. She was glad of this, a form of distraction, but when she was alone she often thought of him, and the pain of her broken heart intensified. Maybe one day it would begin to mend, but for now, although the pain was not so raw, it remained firmly broken. She sat there with Pan on her lap, and sighed softly. Then she felt it.

She felt Will, felt his presence as though he was beside her, as though if she reached out her hand she would be able to touch him, he felt so close. Most of all, she felt him reach out to her, his love for her overwhelming. For a few glowing moments, her heart was whole again, as their souls once again connected, filling the gaping hole within her heart that their parting had left. She could feel his love, and it was pure, comforting. Then she could no longer feel his presence, he was gone, and slowly the hole in heart opened once again. For those few minutes she felt as though they were together once again, but once again they were cruelly torn apart.

She sobbed quietly in to Pan's soft fur, willing for him to come back for her, reach out once again. Pan shared her pain and her grief, for he had lost his dear Kirjava all over again. She sat there for what seemed an age, although it was only a few minutes, just thinking of Will. Although she felt this pain, part of her felt comforted by the fact that although they could no longer be together in body, his love for her remained strong in his heart. They had, for those few moments become one again, whole. So despite the pain she was feeling, she knew that was worth it to know their love remained just as strong as it was the day they parted.

She pulled out the alethiometer from her rucksack and gazed silently at it. The instrument used to seem as though it was a part of her, and it was this instrument that had told her to trust Will, and to help him in his quest to find his father. She had fulfilled that task, and that was when their love for one another began to bloom. What if she had chose to ignore it? She was a stubborn girl, and part of her must have considered just leaving Will to his own task and carrying on with her own. But something had held her back from doing this. Maybe somewhere inside, she knew that this was the person she would fall in love with, her soul mate, her everything. She was not sure of this, but she was sure that she loved him completely, as she always would. Their love would last forever, undying.

They both left their respective benches, and returned once again to their homes, back to their normal lives. Were they normal though? Both of them had been through so much together and had both been touched by love. So would their lives ever be normal while they remained apart? Perhaps not, but this meeting had given both hope that one day their souls would connect again and never be parted.


	3. Love is like a red, red rose

Disclaimer: These characters obviously don't belong to me, they belong to Phillip Pullman, a brilliant author whose books are enjoyed by many . 

A/N: I would lie to say thank you to those people who have left reviews for my story, in particular TheOneAndOnlyT. Your review was lovely and I really appreciated it. If you have any ideas, questions or opinions, good or bad, I would like to hear because I really enjoy reading your reviews. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy.

Their lives had changed so much since that night they met in Citagazze six years ago. Will and Lyra were both now 18 years old, although they had left their childhood behind a long time ago. Both had been through so much that a child shouldn't have to face, and both had been consumed by a love for one another that would last forever in their hearts.

Since that night Will had left his world and entered the world of Citagazze, he had become disjointed from his own. Although he had been back now for around five years, he still found it impossible to just slip back in to the society of the world that he had left behind. He had seen other worlds, other people, that those around him could not even begin to understand, except for Mary. She too felt as though she was no longer part of the world in which she now lived, for she had seen other ways to live her life, and it was difficult to go back to a society that seemed so rigid.

His love for Lyra had never diminished from the day they parted, despite the barriers parting them, and he thought of her every day. As he now walked along the street leading to the botanical gardens on another glorious midsummer's day, he began to think of the time he knew would come when he and Lyra would be together again, if only for a few moments. That time was close.

He sat down on the bench, lost in thoughts of her. The image of her beautiful face took over in his mind, and he could hear her soft laughter as though from a distant place. He toyed with the red rose in his hand nervously, waiting, just waiting, for the moment he knew was coming. Attached to the rose was a poem that he had written for Lyra, his beautiful Lyra. It read:

_Although we seem forever parted,  
In my heart you will always stay,  
Forever mine your love divine,  
Brightens up my every day_

_For though you are no longer with me,  
I feel your spirit right beside me,  
Although you are so far away,  
I know you are with me through each and every day_

As he sat thinking he began to feel her presence once again, filling his soul completely with her love. These were the most precious moments of his life, the moments he shared with Lyra, their love, still so strong, reaching through the divides and filling the void that existed in their hearts. He felt warm and content, blissfully happy, and all he could think of was her; her beautiful smile, her warm laughter, her voice, soothing and yet commanding. He clung to the feeling, unwilling to lose the connection that was at this moment so strong between them. Slowly, painfully, the feeling faded away and once again he was left alone with only Kirjava to comfort him. After a few minutes of quiet reflection, in which sorrow once again began to fill his heart, he slowly got up, with Kirjava close by his side, knelt down on the grass in front of bench and placed the rose there in silence, all the while thinking of her. After one last look behind him at the bench, he turned and made his way slowly back home to his mother and Mary.

Lyra hurriedly made her way along the streets of her Oxford with Pan by her side. It was Midsummer's Day and she was anxious to get to the botanical gardens and be with Will once more, if only for a few moments. She got there minutes later and slumped down on the bench getting her breath back. Then she felt it.

She sat bolt upright as she felt him sit down on the bench, in another botanical garden in another Oxford. Although he was so far away, separated from her by the barriers between their worlds, she could feel him there as though he was sat beside her. Her heart glowed as his love surged through her, filling the void their parting left in her heart. All she could see was his face, all she could hear was his voice, and all she could feel was the presence of his love within her heart. She sat there, comforted and contented, in the knowledge that his love for her remained. Then the feeling was gone.

She sat there with tears rolling steadily down her face, despair in her heart. She loved him dearly, and she cursed fate for being so cruel. For five years they had loved each other whilst knowing that although their love for each other was real, the world in which it had formed was no longer a reality that they could return to. Pan wrapped himself around her neck, comforting her the best he could. After a few minutes, she got up and began to walk away. Something made her turn back though, just for a second, and she looked at the spot in front of the bench on which Will had placed the rose in his Oxford. She smiled. A part of him was still there, left there specially for her, where he would remain as he did in her heart. She began the walk back to her home in the college in Oxford.

Will sat at his desk late that night, with the moon shining brightly in through his window. For the last two hours he had been sat there, writing about Lyra, about their adventures together, and the love they shared. He felt a release of his emotions. The pain he felt was no longer knotted up inside him. He was able through his writing to create his own world, his own reality, the perfect reality in which he and Lyra could stay together forever and never be parted. He knew it did not exist, yet, but he also knew their love would survive through anything, blossoming with their hearts like a beautiful red rose, never dying, forever growing.

A/N: I'm sorry if the poem isn't that good. I wrote it myself, and poetry isn't my strong point! I'm sure Will is a better poet than me really... :)


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